3 Part Brain

For Brevity

Reptillian (Amygdala)

instinctive Fight or Flight that kicks in when a crisis looms

Limbic (Mammal Layer)

Emotions, positive and negative

Primate Level (Neocortex)

Logic and Rational (think Spock)

Why is this important?

Even Spock gets mad

Amygdala Hijack

Important to know how to reverse full reptile brain

To Maximize Spock time

Reptile mode to spock mode

Instead of trying to use logic

We need to "connect" to them

You know Empathy

Scientists found certain cells fire in monkey brains when threw a ball or ate a banana in the prefrontal cortices

Scientists also found that those cells fire when the monkeys watched another monkey perform these acts

Why you cringe when you watch a fail gif or a coworker gets a papercut

Or cheer when the hero gets the girl in a movie

What does that have to do with anything?

Mirror Neuron Receptor Deficit

The "Oh F#$& to Ok" Process

1. Oh F#$& (Reaction)

...Oh F#$&

Don't say anything

Don't deny that you're upset

Label the emotion you're feeling

2. Oh God (Release Phase)

...Oh God

Admit the emotion you're feeling

breathe slowly and relax

3. Oh Jeez (Recenter Phase)

...Oh jeez

keep breathing slowly and relax

take whatever time you need

4. Oh Well (Refocus Phase)

...Oh well

Start to think of what you can do

minimize damage, and make the best of it

5. Ok (Reengage Phase)

...Ok

Do what you need to do

Rewire how you listen

Most of the time we hear but don't listen

We all make assumptions

And sometimes they are wrong

Think about what you're thinking

So when you're wrong you'll be able to identify it

Make the other person feel "felt"

Sample steps to making someone feel "felt"

When someone feels "felt" you'll have transformed yourself from a stranger or enemy into a friend or ally

Be interested not interesting

Imagine trying to win friends or influence people

So you try to impress them by listing off how cool you are

Being too interesting comes off as being a jackass

Best way to win friends or influence people is to be more interested in listening than impressing

The best questions cause them to say things like...

"i feel x, i think y, i did or would do z"

Sample Questions

• How'd you get into ___?
• What do you like best about ___?
• What are you trying to accomplish that's important to you in your ___?
• Why is that important to you?
• Whats the best (or worst) part of ___?

Make people feel valuable

people need to feel valuable

Obvious right?

Make the annoying person in your life feel important

Often these annoying high-maintance people are that way because they are seeking attention and not getting it (mirror neuron deficit) and it just gets worse and worse

Sample solution - Office Complainer

next time they complain, state how important it is to you, and ask them to come up with a solution to make them feel valuable

Help people exhale emotionally / mentally

Next time the shit hits the fan

and someone goes full reptile, what can you do?

We need to help them exhale

Don't counterattack or defend yourself

Give plenty of time for them to express themselves

Don't take issue with anything, become defensive or get into a debate

After he/she vents don't say anything (rookie mistake) except "tell me more"

When all seems lost bare your neck

Show your vulnerabilities as opposed to hide them

People can't mirror your idstress and understand it

Instead their mirror your attitude you're using to hide your distress, if you are using anger to hide it, you'll get anger in return

If you are honest and show your vulnerabilities you'll get empathy instead

Empathy Jolt (Reverse play)

Useful for when someone is being evasive or underperforming or always coming up with excuses

• Think of a couple ways in which the other person may be disappointed with you
• When you meet with them, instead of criticizing or confronting them, list you reasons why they might be disappointed with you
• End by asking if it's true, if not what are the things that most frustrate you about me?
• After they reply, apologize

Why this works

When you apologize yourself, instantly shift them out of defensive mode and cause them to mirror your humility and concern

Magic paradox

Sleight of mind

When you act as if your goal is the exact opposite of what you're trying to accomplish...thats the paradox

I bet you feel that nobody know what it's like to be ___, and I bet that you're __- because you think we're all feeling let down by you (or w/e)

Because you're empahtizing with their emotions you eliminate their mirror neuron deficit and cause them to feel understoood and connected to you

Human explosion

When someone goes full reptile

Sometimes the most move is to go full reptile too

Sample